I got two pegs and you got two legs, right?

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ghost.
CGK: [[BARBiiE]]

Fear of Falling

I like this guy.
But I’m scared.

I think he likes me, too.
But I’m scared.

We click on every level imaginable-
Mental
Physical
Spiritual
But I’m scared.

He posses EVERY quality I look for in a man
and ones I never thought I needed
nor desired until I met him.
But I’m scared.

Just thinking about him
sends my body out of control.
My heart beats faster,
butterflies ravage my stomach,
I can’t concentrate on anything,
chills race down my spine,
my head spins…

But I’m scared.

Scared that he’s a liar.

Scared that he’s a cheat.

Scared of what may happen
if I stop long enough to give him a chance.

Scared that every moment
I have cherished is
INVALID
to him and only apart of “the game”.

Scared that he is only putting up a façade
to achieve some
malicious or sexual goal.

Scared that I’ll love too soon (which I always do) and have
heart out of commission
once again.

Scared that at the end of it all
I will be crying myself to sleep
wondering why
I even bothered to begin with.

BUT…

He makes me smile.
He makes my heart flutter.
He gives me hope.
He makes me want to love….
him.
No matter how frightening the thought is.






Is my nose opening?
I'm working hard to keep it closed.
I dont want the pollen to attack me.
Sneezing. Ick.
ghost.
CGK: [[BARBiiE]]

ANGER breeds CREATiiViiTY which breeds CHANGE...

PROGRAMMED RESPONSE

I’m different.
Acknowledge it.
Appreciate it.
If you’re smart, you’ll understand it.
Or reject the unfamiliar;
either way I’m not going to stop doing me, especially to be like you.
If I changed my style
my view
my opinion
as much as you do
I would be Chameleon-
minus the millionaire
that’s a few years from now
but don’t believe I won’t get there
because I will, and
from the looks of things, quite faster than you
because while you cling to the box
I discard it.
Light that bitch on fire
I REFUSE to be apart of it.
See, I was lame before it was cool
a geek before it became drug-related
and nerdy before ya’ll started rocking the thick Louis V. frames
So I’ve been there
well, here….
long before you care to look in this direction.
Now you’re following my footsteps
and I laugh
still emulating what others set before you
I guess you’ll never grasp
the concept I been I’ve been living
and continue to be that little monkey
that only sees what others do
maybe one day you’ll get tired
of your cramped little box,
stereotypes,
and paradigms
that make you do what you do.
If not, oh well, I don’t give a damn
if I did I would be hurt by you not understanding me
or respecting me
for thinking on my own.
But I guess that’s how they programmed you to be
and more importantly, respond to me.




Friggin robots.
And not the cool ones that Lu hangs with.
So they're really drones.
Ack! When will they learn?
When will they accept?
When will they understand?
Probably never.

Ghost
CGK: [[BARBiiE]]

I'm a responsible american. Well, I try to be.

Usually I am not one to vocalize my political views. I feel that there is so much controversy and sometimes unnecessary tension in the world of politics; I just choose to be a spectator from a nearby star. (Scientifically speaking, I would be sitting on the sun since it’s the closest star in our galaxy, but let me not show how much of a nerd I am…) I’ve been told almost all of my life that I need to go into politics because of my oratory ability and general tendency to stick up for the “little guy” and bridge gaps. HOWEVER, there is so much backstabbing, cheating, lying, backsliding, and any other phrase you want to throw in there. I don’t have the heart for politics. And if I were crazy enough to get involved, I would be the maverick of the century. In other words, I would basically curse out everyone in site. Lol

But today I have been more or less “inspired” (it’s a nice epithet for what I wish to say) to say a little about my views of the upcoming presidential election. Simply, I wish it was over already. This is the most draining saga of disheartening events I’ve ever had to witness. I am not one to listen to gossip and watch people poke at other weaknesses and it seems that is what the entire election process has been based on. Forget the issues and what one plans to do if awarded the position, let’s just hear about how the said candidate is terrible in bed and has smelly feet. (somewhat of an exaggeration, I know) I believe that the whole point of electing leaders has been misplaced this year.

Every candidate has somewhat of a flaw that has the potential to effect his or her ability to lead. And I feel that now, we are choosing the “lesser of two evils”.

Now I love an idealist and someone saturated in change; however, you can only go so much off hope. Yes, I’m talking about Obama. I believe he is probably the 21st century representation of change, and like everyone has said: IT’S A BOUT TIME! (not his race….his ideals and drive and zeal) I am tired of watching politicians give half-thought out plans to improve everything under the sun. I do applaud him for bringing something new to the table along with his zeal and overall go-get-it mentality. I believe that if he has made it as far as he has as quickly as he has he can do amazing things for this country. However, lack of experience (in anything) scares me. Hopefully if he is elected he will have a more than adequate cabinet to aid him in his decisions.

I feel in a way that McCain has somewhat “missed the boat” for his chance to do amazing things for the country. Back before the first G.W. Bush administration when McCain was a republican elect, I was down for the cause. Like honestly, you couldn’t tell me anything about McCain. I feel that for someone that has survived so much ill health (he’s had cancer like a million times!) there is almost nothing he or she can’t do. But now, he’s a bit more seasoned than I would like I’m afraid that if he is elected it may be others doing the talking for him. We have already had one puppeteer regime. I would prefer not to endure another. And his candidate, Ms. Pallin, I feel the same way about her as I do Obama. (forget all the random drama concerning her family and whatnot…) She has the potential to revolutionize the way national government operates because she would make an enormous bridge between the people and the power-holders. But then again, one without experience….aaaahhhhhh!

I just don’t know what to think anymore. I’m just tired of all the nonsense. I want to get back to the way things should be. About the issues. Can we talk about gas prices or something….SOMETHING other than what’s going on in people’s homes??

I’m almost inspired not to vote. :gasp!: I know!! Being faced with the duty of voting for someone who is not as bad as someone else disturbs me. But I suppose I’ll have a decision made by November…maybe. Grrrrrrr…decisions, decisions….



Got a lot of things to sort out
But I promise I’m voting
Like really I will
Just gotta figure out who…
[[BARBiiE]]

Down the Dusty Trail

I'm watching "Life Size", the Disney movie with Tyra Banks and Lindsay Lohan (before all the random tabloid drama) and it's making me contemplate choices and paths.

Lindsay Lohan, for example, was one of the brightest stars to star in a Disney movie. She was someone i looked up to growing up and wanted to be just like her. (Yes, i even wanted to discover my twin sister at summer camp, compete with her, only to switch places and mesh my divorced parents back together...well, a few details would be tweaked but you get the point). So, over the past few years, watching what the media spits out about her has really had me at odds. Part of me is like OMG that was someone i adored! What happened? Why are they picking on her?? And then, I sit and wonder why she has more or less been abandoned to stumble and fall along the path of adulthood.

Which brings me back to the subject: paths and choices. Regardless of assumed stiffling by the hands of career, parents, money, etc., we all have choices. Its almost like every time we turn around we're looking at a fork of atleast two choices. (on www.beautifulintelligence.blogspot.com the topic of good and bad choices are discussed so i will leave that alone, however...) For the most part, i find myself choosing the "road less travelled" (a quick quote from Robert Frost). It's not necessary by choice, but most often by default. Things that have been repeatedly done before me just aren't appealing. And me, being the hard-headed kid i am, would rather trek down the dirt road knocking down wild, overgrown grass than stroll down a black tar street.

For this reason, I don't fit in well with a lot of people. To include my family and especially my peers. I'm generally criticizing for not fitting into any sterotype that is set before me. This gets under A LOT of people's skins. I find it funny. Things i do don't cause any harm, they're just generally interesting to look at/ watch. So i still do not understand the outrage. But like i have continuously stated in this blog: i'm stubborn, so i continue to do what i feel works best for me and ultimately, i'm happy.

This is a choice i've made. To be different, among other things. Some like it, many don't. But I don't care because it makes me happy. Maybe people like Lindsay Lohan should have made a right where they made a left. Or atleast had a support group like mine (i love my friends!!!), but that's not the way the cookie always crumbles. So I urge those of you that do have a tendency to think/act differently to keep at it. Do what makes YOU happy, regardless of what everyone else may think. As long as you are not causing anyone else harm (refer to the blog on www.beautifulintelligence.blogspot.com) you're good. So if you feel oppressed or knocked down, dont worry. BE HAPPY! and continue to do what makes you smile. That's what i always do.


Standing out is what i do.
Do what works best for you.
Forget everybody else--i'm a star.
Ghost.
[[BARBiiE]]