Significant Nobody

Today is one of those days where I'm just feeling BLAH. Nothing it wrong physically or mentally, I hope; however, I feel like I'm missing SOMETHING. I suppose being back into the grind that accompanies me being in school has got me a little "shocked" because I'm a good distance away from close friends. But at the same time I don't think its even them that I'm craving for...

I'm having one of my really girly baby moments when I "desire" a significant somebody in my life. Not just some guy I see on the weekends or hang out with, but a truly special person, atleast love-wise. I think this was all brought on by me listening to Alicia Keys today...she is really good at expressing some "sad moments" and one of those moments just happened to be about wanting a teenage love affiar, or remembering it, or something to that effect. And i was like OHMIGAWD she is so right!

Because if you've experienced it, that teenage love is better than anything you've ever experienced in life. I would say its better than having a child, but since I have yet to experience that, i'll hold off a few years.

So she got me thinking about my ex's and whatnot. But specifically my first boyfriend and first love and first everything...And even tho it is close to 5 years after the fact, I'm still sitting here getting slight nostalgic. And it's irking me because no matter how much I wish I know I will never get to experience that again.

But anyway, I wrote a poem talking about that last year...here it goes:

I used to love him.
Maybe a little part of me
still does. The harder I scrub,
the more difficult it becomes to wash him away from my memory.
Maybe I’ll use bleach next time.
Separation from a love
is hard to deal with, especially
when you feel there is no other
you can relate to.
Talking to friends is good an all;
I know they’ll have my back
if I slip and fall
along the way,
but I don’t want a kiss from my best friend
I want one from that man, or the
one before him, or the one before him, depending
on my mood.
Watching lovers love in public:
kiss, hug, and all that stuff
has got me feeling sick. Love-sick.
Like Ne-Yo “I’m so sick of love songs”
but the radio won’t stop playing.
It keeps getting louder,
blasting in my ears
making my heart cower
in a corner
between pity and defeat,
(being looked down on by loneliness) while the happy
Lovers stroll in front of me.
So, what am I
supposed to do
when al I can think of is you?
Well,…him, or the other him, or the
other, other him.
He still has
a hold on me that
I can’t shake
which is partially due to me be being
too naive
because I believed
breaking up signified the end.
But here I am reminiscing
“baby when I used to love you”
holding on to the last
shred of us as the wind of time
pulls it away
and pushes it far behind
me. And I feel better;
the sun’s a little brighter and the
clouds a little puffier
until I see the
lovers again
loving in public
holding hands, making plans
and I’m back feeling sick,
sitting with pity, defeat
and “Mr. Lonely”
until the next Mr. Right Now
comes along and rescues me.


...and I'm still waiting, probably will be waiting for a while...man this sucks.

Smooches...

So there will be a break until the next web-isode of The Dumb and the Intellecutal because this writer is taking a break. (yes, classes have resumed)

But since I'm here I should say a bit. Maybe more than a bit. It just depends on how long-winded I'm feeling today.

Sometimes I think bad habits are inherited...or maybe passed on through nurture. Why such a scientific approach at someone's bad habits?? Well, I'm a biology major, SO THERE! But yes, I definitely believe that bad habits (as well as good I suppose) are passed on through nurture if nothing else. The reasoin why I bring this up is because of random events of the weekend that occur in the lives of those I care about.

Sometimes (really most of the time) I am extremely grateful for my mother because of how she raised me and because of the type of person she is. I have never known for her to blame another for any of my wrong-doings NO MATTER how right she felt I was. I have never known for her to wrongly attack any friends, relatives, associates, etc of mine because of something that went down among us...NO MATTER how dramatic it was. I guess my mother is one of the MATURE and RESPONSIBLE adults you hear about but never see. And I can say that my friends have parents like my mommy.

I know this is random rambling but there is a method behind my madness. This past weekend I had a friend get chewed out by a relative of hers becuase of somthing dumb her cousin did. In all actuality, her aunt should have been talking to our other friend about what happened, but I suppose she felt she was better off attacking someone that REALLY wasn't involved. Or whatever her reasoning I am very disappointed in her. It really hurts/angers me to be a witness to such immaturity because I feel that as an adult, and PARENT she should be the bigger person or atleast discuss the situation with other PARENTS....but whatever...if it floats your boat....

But on to greater things...IT'S 2008 and i believe that this will be the year for me to step out and do what i need to do with my life and with my career. I have a lot of ideas in my head and I believe this is the time for me to get them out of my head, on paper, and into action!! So stay tuned folks...this may be the best season yet!!!

The Dumb and the Intellecutals: A story

Sometimes the actions of others makes me wonder if I am the only sane person around (well…I know my mama and my best friend are sane but still). Better yet, maybe I am one of the few MATURE and INTELLIGENT people in my age range.
Wonder why I am so irritated at the moment? Well kids, pull out the blankets, here comes a story:

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are fiction; names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the not-so-innocent)

I have this friend, Pinky. She’s a college student like me and we have a lot of similar traits (she thinks completely out of the box also). She’s ultra gorgeous and all the guys want her (for sex and sometimes not). Well…Pinky met this guy. A musician. His stage name was Blakk. Obviously he raps. She had heard about Blakk’s ex-girlfriend Tian and how she was a little “loose” and jealous and what have you. Well, Pinky is the type of gal that likes to form her own opinions about others so she took note of what she heard about Blakk and Tian and went on to get to know him.

They started dating and Pinky asked Blakk about his relationship with Tian. He said that Tian was obsessed with him and that he wasn’t interested in her and all that other stuff…

Pinky later finds that Blakk is still messing around with Tian and what’s even more disturbing is that he was abusive to both Tian and another girlfriend Wanda. Pinky noticed his controlling tendencies and how he liked to accuse her of cheating so she decided she needed to distance herself from Blakk. In the process of learning about Tian and Wanda, they all become friends, especially Tian and Pinky. Tian tells Pinky about how she and Blakk had been together for so long that she wasn’t sure she could get out of the relationship (yes, Tian and Blakk were still “together” despite what Blakk told Pinky). But Pinky, being the good-natured gal she is says that she will support Tian in her efforts to leave Blakk for good.

Things were going quite well until Tian admitted she was being pulled back into the grips of Blakk. Pinky did her best to support but she noticed Tian was coming to her with more “incidents” occurring between her and Blakk.

Pinky didn’t know what to do. I mean, there’s only so much she can do, right??

Well...folks the story does continue. Stay tuned! in a few days i shall continue the tale of Pinky, Blakk, Tian, Wanda, and God knows who else in THE DUMB AND THE INTELLECUTAL.

And 2morrow

Today is filled with anger
Fueled with hidden hate
Scared of being outcast
Afraid of common fate
Today is built on tragedies
which no one wants 2 face
Nightmares 2 humanities
and morally disgraced
Tonight is filled with rage
Violence in the air
Children bred with ruthlessness
Because no one at home cares
Tonight I lay my head down
But the pressure never stops
gnawing at my sanity
content when I am dropped
But 2morrow I c change
A chance to build anew
Built on spirit, intent of heart
and ideals based on truth
And 2morrow I wake with second wind
And strong because of pride
2 know I fought with all my heart 2 keep my dream alive

--Tupac Shakur

Disclaimer: I love Tupac any and everything he's ever done (ESPECIALLY HIS POETRY) so there will be quite a few mentionings of him or really just his poems posted up everywhere.

UNiiTELLiiGiiBLE GENiiUS??

I know this is the most RANDOM name for a blog but i thought it had a pretty nice ring...so there it is! Basically my purpose for this blog is just to get out a little frustration that i have in a positive way. It appears that every time i THINK i'm sitting on my "happy cloud" something dramatic occurs and i'm back in some bull...(isnt everybody tho??). SO to prevent me using my newly-learned martial arts skill against my opressors, i've decided to type it out on the keyboard of my trusty dusty toshiba notebook, Larry (yes, i named my laptop...i have a habit of naming everything).

And i have a habit of of rambling...somewhat and maybe that's the reason for me calling this blog unintelligible. but whatever, i just like the ring of it especially based on the fact that my screen name is TRUGENiiUS. Anywho if you like what you read feel free to let me know, hit me up, i have no life outside of school so i'm pretty much gonna be online regardless.

♥SMOOCHES♥
GENiiUS