Help me, PLEASE!

I've always been told that if you don't learn history, you're destined to repeat it.

History has been repeated for a long time. As my twin likes to say: it practically stutters. We continue to suffer the consequences of not learning our history but everyone still refuses to pick up a book. Many prefer to take the easy route and do as they are told or follow whatever example has been set before them. Although they have sometimes witnessed first-hand ill effects, they allow themselves to fall into the cycle. The cycle of being a monkey that watches what others do.

If all the people we cherish and look up to are ones that refuse to be like their peers, then why do so many accept the "norm" or what they have been trained to think. Why do so many choose to be a mirror?

I write this blog out of frustration of what I witness every time I choose to leave my house. There are hundreds of people wearing the same thing, doing the same thing, and acting the same way. What gives? Whatever happened to originality? Whatever happened to being willing to stand out for the sake of your own personal happiness? Is everyone just so afraid of the opinions of their peers that they'd rather be a clone? Someone PLEASE tell me what memo I didn't not receive; this is something I just don't understand.


I think I missed
the day when it was
decided that being like
everyone one else was
cool.
Or am I just so beyond
people have yet to catch up?
CGK: [[Barbie]]

Taming of the Beast

This is a series of poems I wrote that I've finally decided to feature them all at once. Enjoy!!


Part I:
You’re supposed to be the bad one
throwing girls away left and right
I’ve been told to stay away from you,
lucky if I even get half a night
of your attention
forget affection
because a relationship
is nowhere near the direction
you’re traveling
because your tunnel-vision
is tunneled in on my ass
and hers
and hers
and hers.
Allegedly, you’re deeply lodged in your mission-
giving midnight
pleasures and morning sorrow
living for the moment
always gone before the light of the morrow.
So if that’s how it is
and what I’ve been hearing true
what happened to my indefinite sorrow
I don’t feel cheap and used…
It’s been a month. According to your
track record we shouldn’t still be talking
right now I should be cursing your
existence, hoping you trip and fall
on a pointy rock, never to hurt me again
but I’m not. And I’m wondering why.
Am I the girl that’s gonna break the cycle?
Make the news exposing you as a guy
that actually has a heart?
Do I really want to take that chance?
Take a risk; make a leap into the unknown,
all for the sake of romance?
A romance that probably
only exists in my head
slowly seeping into my heart soon to take over…
This is what I think about in my bed
when I’m alone and you’re not
holding me,
your heartbeat against my back
whispering, “Please don’t fuck over me”.
But aren’t you the one that’s more
likely to do that?
You have me so confused. Debating with my
head and heart
trying to be smart
about the situation
but thoughts of you are slowly consuming me
no matter how high I keep my guard
you jump over it
probably because you’re so damn tall
and my guard can only go so high
so I guess that means its time to let it fall
take you in and give you a chance
cuz I’ve given chances to too many guys
that think they too fly
leaving me high and dry
and their “playa status” wasn’t
as half as yours, in the least.
So maybe it’s time for me
to tame the wild beast.
*whip sound*
Are you ready?




Part II:
Forget taming the wild beast
I think I’m just gonna hit you for the sake of it.
Because sadly you’re proving to be the way
I was told you are.
I guess I was smart in not giving you
A taste of the sweetness you desired that night.
But it doesn’t make me feel any better
Because I still feel played.
Although you don’t know it
And no one ever will
I was ready to give you my heart
All of it. No questions asked
But now you have me double-guessing
Double-thinking my steps.
Cuz sweet words are one thing but actions tell it all
And from you recent lack thereof
It’s really quiet in here.
And that silence is only fueling my anger.
So my guard is back up.
MUCH higher than before and maybe you’ll be able to jump it
Maybe not.




Part III:
Love is one of those games
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to win
Thought I could tame the beast within you,
But ended up wearing myself out.
And I’m tired of chasing you around this monopoly
Board, apologizing for things that aren’t my fault
So I believe its time for me to take off my gloves
And call it a day.
I don’t think I can take any more of your
Advanced tricks
Especially when I haven’t been taught
The rules of the game.
So for the first time in life,
I think I will forfeit. And accept my fate
As one without love.

Dostana. :-(

I hate that i cannot control my heart.

I feel like it betrays me on purpose.

I wish I could stop it because having it broken hurts more than anything i've ever known.



What's the point of trying to love
when all you end up is alone
or maybe this is a problem of mine.
...always the friend and never the lover.
[CGK]: BARBiiE

Random Rambles (revisited)

I forgot to post this like months ago. so this is a new trip to the same ol post.

The word of the day is truth. (Well, actually it's gubernational, but for my purposes it's going to be truth)

TRUTH: a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like. Hmm...truth. Boy i tell ya. Although it is something that cannot be disupted, people sure love to live around it.

I myself have done the same. i am no saint, nor do i claim to be one. i could make up some of the most intricate tales and have everyone (including myself) believing every word. There were times when i would get my lies mixed up with the truth and swear up and down a lie i had made up actually happened. Yes, that was me...YEARS ago.

But with time i learned that you cant hide the truth. Whether it is a little white lie or a made up tale stretching years at a time, your lies will always catch up with you. Destiney said it best: "You can sweep things under the rug all you want, but one day someone is going to decided to clean that room, and all the dirt is going to be revealed."

So with this known, why lie? Why go around people's backs and pretend light you are living a life of happiness? Why sacrafice the happiness of someone else for something you probably shouldnt be partaking in to begin with? Are people really that selfish? Aparently so.

I dont have the intent to be a nag but i really want to get this off my chest. I'm tired of liars. I'm tired of being lied to, hearing lies, talking about lies, witnessing lies and anything of the like. I am in the mood to start outing people in their lies. Yes, i know that really wrong but geez...when will we hear the truth? Well, we acutally do hear the truth because all things done in the dark do come to the light. But it shouldnt take all of that.

Grrr...i suppose I'm just venting. I know i'll get over it. Eventually. Let us pray. (lol) But yall enojy whats left of the weekend. Tomorrow is a sad day because i take the practice MCAT. OH how said will i be at 2 tomorrow afternoon. :-/ (friggin med school requirements.)



Moral of the day:
honesty is the key!
i have one myself.
i'll make copies if you're in need of one.
maybe i'll sell them
i need some money.
ghost.
CGK: [[BARBiiE]]

So WHO decided college is a must? They were INSANE.

Yes, it has been a good (in a bad way) minute since i've posted anything and it is quite sad. because i actually miss my blog. oh!! :sniff:

To make a long story short:

college sucks.

organic chemistry is hard.

dancing 3 hours straight makes your feet hurt "like the dickens".

being sick for more than a week wears you out.

dont mix facial cleansers/mask/pimp-go-away-solutions on your face. it causes an allergic reaction.

benedryl needs to have a non-drowsy formula.

(dont take benedryl and go to physics class...it WILL put you to sleep)

naps come at a (sometimes deadly) cost.



...so that sums up some of the reasons as to why TWO PEGS was the last thing i wrote. or submitted. or whatever. but im going to get back on the ball asacp (i still dont know what the c stands for. lol) So if i dont post again by tomorrow at midnight...feel free to get me. lol.


So yeah...college.
icky. but a means to an end.
i suppose.
studying for org chem.
but i REFUSE to be up
...all night
.......AGAIN.
ghost.
CGK: [[BARBiiE]]

P.S. I NEED CONTACTS!!!!!

I got two pegs and you got two legs, right?

These are my dudes!
If you haven't heard...PAY ATTENTION!
check out new blog:
non-SUCKY music according to the kids of cool
ghost.
CGK: [[BARBiiE]]

Fear of Falling

I like this guy.
But I’m scared.

I think he likes me, too.
But I’m scared.

We click on every level imaginable-
Mental
Physical
Spiritual
But I’m scared.

He posses EVERY quality I look for in a man
and ones I never thought I needed
nor desired until I met him.
But I’m scared.

Just thinking about him
sends my body out of control.
My heart beats faster,
butterflies ravage my stomach,
I can’t concentrate on anything,
chills race down my spine,
my head spins…

But I’m scared.

Scared that he’s a liar.

Scared that he’s a cheat.

Scared of what may happen
if I stop long enough to give him a chance.

Scared that every moment
I have cherished is
INVALID
to him and only apart of “the game”.

Scared that he is only putting up a façade
to achieve some
malicious or sexual goal.

Scared that I’ll love too soon (which I always do) and have
heart out of commission
once again.

Scared that at the end of it all
I will be crying myself to sleep
wondering why
I even bothered to begin with.

BUT…

He makes me smile.
He makes my heart flutter.
He gives me hope.
He makes me want to love….
him.
No matter how frightening the thought is.






Is my nose opening?
I'm working hard to keep it closed.
I dont want the pollen to attack me.
Sneezing. Ick.
ghost.
CGK: [[BARBiiE]]